For the last two days there has not been a moment of silence in my belly, everyone at my work has witnessed his kicks! It's almost like he is rocking because two opposite sides of my belly will move at one time. I am just waiting for the hiccups! I love every moment though and I am treasuring every little kick, and movement, I don't want to look back on this pregnancy and wish that I did something differently, and so far I am doing good!
Here are a bunch of pictures of me and my big belly!
Okay, I am sure you all have been wondering what has been going on with baby daddy. Well I can tell you, not much. The last time I spoke to him he wanted to know what the sex of the baby was so stupid me told him, and that was it. He promised to call me back the next day,but the next time I heard from anybody in Colorado was when one of his hootchy mamas called me threatening my life saying that I'm fat, telling me that there's a problem and I need to come to Colorado to solve it and when I asked her what the problem was she could not tell me because she was too dumb to know, is it that he ran away from his son? Is it that he deserted me with no money and no job and rent to pay? If that's the problem then maybe he should be coming out here to solve it! So I e-mailed baby daddy and told him he is not going to ever see his son because having people called me and threaten my life is not okay, he replied with I will see you in court, you can not take me away from my son, blah blah blah. I e-mailed him back and said that this would not be like this if he would get off of his high horse and talk to me because, while I am able to brush off his lies, the first time he lies to my son will be the last, and my son will not be able to understand it like I do. I know that I do not deserve what he is putting me through, but my son does not deserve it, my son does not deserve to come into a life where his father lies and betrays. I understand that he has a right to his son but he is not going to get that unless he can mature and realize that he has a son who doesn't understand and just wants to be loved. But as far as Josh goes I can honestly give two cares less what he does with his life, who he dates, where he lives, but I do care what he does to my son, and if it wasn't for my son I would have nothing to do with Josh. I just want to make it clear that I do not dwell on the situation I do not sit at home wondering when he is going to call, I do not cry over him, I do not wish that he would come back, but I do wish that he was a good dad, but if he's not going to be then so be it, because I can be a great mom (and dad too) my son is the only thing that matters to me and he will continue to be the only thing that matters to me. All right enough of that drama there's your update!
So last night I experienced for the first time being kicked in the bladder! That was the only place that he was kicking and he kept doing it, over and over and over again. So I finally thought that maybe he was telling me something so I went and I emptied it, and when I did he went to sleep and did not bother me for the rest of the night. I think that it was his way of telling me that my bladder was too full and if I did not do anything about then he was going to keep kicking it!!
"umm excuse me but this thing is in my way do you mind fixing this please" says my son
I get heartburn when I breathe, burp, eat sour stuff, eat spicy stuff, drink water, wake up, take a shower, talk and when I do it feels like the pit of hell is in my esophagus! I am getting tired of it but I know that it will only get worse!
Please let's take a moment of silence for little Jackson William Whiteside, born on June 28th, 2007, and he passed away on July 5th, 2007. I cannot imagine the pain and sadness that his family is going through.
So my son has decided that today is a good day to have a dance party apparently! I woke up at seven this morning (not on my own free will mind you) and he was kicking me like crazy! My stomach looked crazy, and all day today he has been kicking me! He stops temporarily after I eat, I guess to take a nap or something!
YOU CANNOT ESCAPE!!!!!
I know everyone has wanted to see pictures of my belly so here you go!
Well I have apparently been tagged by my mother and i have no idea what that means she says to just write 7 things about me so here it goes, I guess.....
1) When I was little all i wanted was to be an actress, or a singer and just knew that if I was in a commercial I would for sure make it big....that clearly did not go as planned.
2) I have been in love, made a child and been thrown away all before I am able to drink.
3) Although I am pregnant and I know that i am judged for it I still wish that my belly was huge like everyone says theirs were
4) I am scared to death to raise a child, I am scared that I won't be a good mom and that I won't have a good life with my baby.
5) Although I have opted to have my son at home I am so terrified of the pain!
6) I can't tell if my hair is it's full natural color or not
7) I am searching for a daddy for my baby and it's not going to well...LOL
Traditionally I am supposed to tag somebody else but I don't know anybody to tag so consider yourself tagged if you are reading this!
I have been thinking lately about my baby and the life he is going to have. I know that it is not going to be a rich one and it's going to be hard to give him what he wants and deserves but that's not what I have been thinking about. I'm thinking about how he is going to love me. I know that when he is little I am going to be his god and he won't want to leave my side, so I am not concerned about the love he will have for me when he is little, instead how is he going to love me when he is 16? Is he going to love me with the same amount of gusto as he did when he was 2? I look at my friends and my son's dad and I don't think that they are awful and that must be how all boys are but how were they raised? What mistakes did their parents make that turned them into such disrespecting heartless souls and how can I be different then that? I know that by being a single mom and can teach him to respect woman and not treat them like slaves so I don't have to be worried about that, but how can I get him to want to love me and hug me when he's 16? How can I get get him to not be embarrassed by me or talk badly about me behind my back? Should I let him do what he wants so that he thinks I am "cool"? NO WAY, but if he wants to do something that i don't agree with and I tell him no, he won't understand why it's not ok and he will just think I am being mean! I look at how I was as a teenager and it scares the daylights out of me! I wanted everything but to be at home with my family, I always chose my friends over my parents and I look back now and I hate it! Because of the fact that I was so distant from my family I don't even remember 2 of the 3 babyhood's of my sisters. I can barely tell which is which in their baby pics! I don't want my son to be like that but I don't know what I can do to stop that from happening. My mom raised me the best way I think a mother could, so is it the parents or the kids? How is it that my mom raised me to be independent, save money, be true to myself and so on, but yet I moved in with a guy after only knowing him for 2 weeks when I was 17 and didn't go to school, save money or even work for that matter. Now I am 19, 5 months pregnant with a little boy and I have been deserted, left to fin for myself in raising my baby, I live with my mommy and daddy, and I am now realizing my mistakes! It's sad that I am realizing now that i have screwed up in the past and that I have completely screwed up my future as far as money goes and I am expecting to bring a child into my messed up world?! that just does not seem right. My baby doesn't deserve it but he got it and the only thing that I can do is put him on the right track. I just wish there was some way to guarantee that he won't end up like me.